Lies, we tell them everyday, little white ones, great big fat ones and the ones we don't even realise we are telling, Man at register "How are you today?", your response "great" which is usually accompanied with a huge smile, number one lie you haven't even realised you've told for the day. In reality your heart is breaking, as you've just put your dog down and had to lie to your children about the fact that Mitzy, has gone to live with a lovely family on a great big farm, because she's gotten too big and you don't have the room for her to play, even though Mitzy is a Maltese terrier, all because you can't explain the reality of death to your 4 and 6 year old and see their little faces and world crumble at their feet and there you have number one great big fat lie of the day, you're now at a total of two lies and it isn't even 9am yet.
I mean could you imagine if I replied honestly to every person in a shop that asked me how I am? "Oh you know, the usual, I haven't crapped for a week because my scar tissue and tumours are causing blockages which in turn is giving me massive pain in my pelvis, my bladder, my anus, my entire abdomen, basically I feel like shit, because I'm full of shit, literally". Could you imagine the poor sales persons face and what would they say, "ummm, I hope tomorrow is better, have a nice day".
You see lying is second nature to us, but to someone like me it is almost a key to survival and a form of protection for my loved ones. I not only lie to my family, my friends, strangers on the street, I lie to myself everyday., because if I didn't I would probably just lay down and let my cancer take me.
I like to think all in all I'm pretty honest when it comes to my disease, but there are just some days that you don't want to go into detail about the pain or depression that you are suffering, so like you tell the cashier you're fine, I tell those concerned about me that I am fine, even though my organs may be strangling my tumours on the inside, causing me difficulty to breathe, walk or talk, but do I really want to go into that shit every single time a person asks how I am out of concern? No, it's too much bitching, it's too much nagging and quite frankly it's a reminder to me that I am that person, the one who is asked every day "How was your pain today?", because really there is nothing else to talk about, I am the cancer and the cancer is me.
Little white lies, these are the ones we tell knowing that if we get caught, what was once little can become a much bigger problem. Husband: "Did you buy a new bed head today?", Wife "No, I bought that ages ago, it was sitting in the garage, you just didn't notice it". Wife thinks she's smart because she used cash instead of credit, Husband: "Then what's this receipt I found on the floor of the back seat of the car dated today for $900.00? $900.00 that we could have used for the electricity bill that is through the roof because you insist on having the air conditioning heating the house 24/7 even though it's 22 degrees outside and you leave every light and "decorative" lamp on in the house, even though we aren't even in the room". What you once thought was just a little white lie has now blown out to a full on budget argument and it's all because you just had to have that bed head and thought lying about it was easier than telling the truth. Hey we've all been there, those little white lies are little bastards, for some reason they always come back and bite us in the ass, it's as if they want us to get caught.
A study done in 2002 at the University of Massachusetts found that people told an average of 2-3 lies in a 10 minute conversation, I can totally see this being right and not an over exaggeration at all. Eg. Friend; "hi, how are you?" Response: "Great, how are you?" (Lie number one, you feel like shit because you just found out your boyfriend Lee cheated on you, so you've just dumped his ass and you're not ready to tell your judgey mcjudgey friend who said he was no good for you in the first place and you just couldn't face the I told you so right now and who knows, you might get back together, right?). Friends response "I'm fantastic, how's Lee?", (lie number one, she was on the toilet last night with the runs and doesn't want to admit it to her friend, because she told her not to eat that piece of sushi at sushi train last night, because it didn't look fresh and she doesn't want her "knows everything all the time" friend to tell her I told you so). Response "Lee's great, he's just really busy with work right now", (lie number 2, yep he's busy with work right now, busy "working out" with Sarah from sales in the copy room). Friends reply: "That's crap, we should go see a movie then if Lees so busy at work" (lie number 2, friend saw Lee and Sarah on her way to the carpark "working" late outside of Nobu last night, Sarah must have needed mouth to mouth, because Lee looked like he was giving it to her pretty intensely). Response: "Nah, I don't think I'm really in the mood for a movie, I think I might just spend the night cuddled up on the lounge with Lee", (lie number 3, in reality you're going to be ringing, texting, emailing, snap chatting, what's apping, facebook stalking, Instagram stalking, facetiming and any other technological way of contacting or monitoring your now "ex", whilst swigging wine from the bottle and watching Bridget Jones' Diary". Friends response " That's cool, I was busy tonight anyway, I just thought you'd like the company, I'll call you tomorrow", (lie number 3, friend has no plans whatsoever and will now be swiping left or right if the mood takes her, whilst she too swigs wine from the bottle and watches Bridget Jones 2, the edge of reason). Response: "Great, talk tomorrow". This conversation would probably take all of 2 minutes and each person lied with every word that came out of their mouth, yes I know I made the whole thing up, but I bet there are conversations like this going on all over the world right now as we speak. I really feel sorry for Lee's girlfriend, I mean she's eating at Sushi Train whilst Lee and his secret girlfriend Sarah are eating at Nobu, it's bad enough he's schtooping (the act of having sex) some other woman, but to take her to Nobu, c'mon, where's the justice in that?
Lying, some of us do it to protect the ones we love, some of us do it for survival and others just do it because they like to fuck with people's heads and exaggerate their lives, no matter what the reason for lying, all I know is that If I do lie, it's usually to stop a friend from worrying about me or a loved one from stressing themselves into a mental institute. This life I live is filled with lies, lies I tell, lies my doctors tell, lies my nurses tell and lies that my family and friends tell, we are all lying to each other a lot of the time, because if we didn't, we wouldn't be able to face reality, even if our reality is a little unrealistic.
Stay fabulous rockstars and how many lies have you told today? ❤️🤘🏼
My name is Lisa Magill and I have been navigating the minefield that is cancer since just months after turning 30, people have been saying to me for years that I should put my thoughts into writing and as time has progressed I thought I had left it too late, well here we are nearly 4 years in and for some unknown reason I've decided to start to write today.