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You Have Terminal Cancer?
​But you don't Look Sick?

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Does it matter if you're scarred for life if you're dying?

28/7/2016

10 Comments

 
My answer is, a resounding yes. Initially when I was operated on, I wasn't phased by my abdominal scarring, it was only one neat straight line from my belly button to the side and 4 small keyhole scars, but with each surgery that followed the more complex the scarring became, OK, when I say complex, I do mean the more ugly, more obvious, less joaquin phoenix obvious scarring, more Seal the kiss from a rose singer scarring, yes I know he is a fabulous singer with a voice as smooth as silk and he scored a super model for a wife , but the poor guy has got obvious facial scarring and at the end of the day like myself the scarring was completely out of his control. Unlike other idiots that think they're indestructible and their lives are simply games, not real life, you know the ones, the ones who actually believe that life is like a Tom and Jerry cartoon; yeah that's right I am talking about the entire cast of Jackass and Johnny Knoxville, the fact that you have to self catheter twice a day is just a little sweet justice for me, but mate considering the stunts you've pulled over the years, you got off lightly.

Life is so fragile, but some people have the ability to keep treating their bodies like a garbage bin, by continually putting pretend food like McDonalds in their body and have perfect cholesterol, they smoke a pack a day and have lungs like a cheetah (they have a really high lung capacity because of the speed they run), the ones who still have a sunbed in their attic and have never had a questionable mole, the ones who base jump, parkour, bull ride, bull run, Volcano board (yes this is a real thing https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volcano_surfing); the list of idiotic life threatening activities that one can risk their lives doing is endless and meanwhile, there is a sterile room full of people somewhere, sitting in recliners, hooked up to IV's having poisonous chemicals pumped into their veins in order to give themselves an extra chance at survival, yes cancer patients craving normality again, craving a future without chemo and with hair, craving a life without fear and there you go again voluntarily sniffing addictive poisonous ice, am I crazy or is there some sort of disconnect between what I believe the value of life is and what the people who do the forenamed activities believe the value of life is.

My scarring used to be a battle wound, something I would show off proudly when I thought I was cured, then I had 3 more surgeries and the fact that I'm no longer curable, the scars have become more of a constant reminder that I am dying rather than a sign of strength. Every time I take my clothes off in the bathroom, there they are in the mirror, when I lift my top up to let the nurse access my pain med access point, there it is, when I go for a swim, there it is, I see it every day and every day it whispers loudly in my head, oh yeah don't forget you're dying.

Scars are not something to be ashamed of, you might think from what I have said above that they are something to be hidden and not embraced, but that couldn't be farther from my opinion, it's simply that I am having one of those days that I hate everything about my body and because I have a blog, I blog about it. So please don't take this as a hide your scars blog, I say be proud of your scars, it's just that today I am bloated, sore and the more bloated I am the more prominent my scarring, tomorrow I will embrace my scarring again, but the one thing that will never change is the fact that they are unfortunately that daily reminder that you're dying or I could choose to look at them as my daily reminder that I am fighting, maybe that's how I should start to look at it, fighting scars.

Stay fabulous rockstars ❤️🤘🏼
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Leg scarring from injections
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Stomach scarring
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sorry about this one, but it's a burn in the skin from one of my needles
​I take daily
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A recent mark left behind from one of my pain meds
10 Comments
Debbie walker
28/7/2016 11:49:33 pm

My darling 🍪! I don't normally feel sad when I read your blogs because you a a little warrior! Today I see your battle scars😢. Love you xxxxx

Reply
Steph
29/7/2016 01:47:59 am

I hear you. My husband has facial scars from an attack the day our son was born. I have a cesarean scar and scars all over my legs from crazy scratching eczema as a teen. We complain but at least we haven't got all the illness and feeling rotten to go with it. No more complaining from now on! I will start to get my legs out just as you have shown your scars, well done, you are brave and beautiful. Xx

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Losa
17/8/2016 08:23:57 pm

Hi Steph

I am so sorry for the delay in reply, I am so glad that I encouraged you to feel a little less self conscious and I hope that this message finds you and your husband in good health.

❤️??
Lisa

Reply
Louise
29/7/2016 05:20:58 am

I read, and gain a small insight into the battle and the thoughts. This person looking into the unknown. I remember my friend and her battle, her fight, her anger, her courage. We never spoke of the bad stuff just the silly stupid man berating her for parking in a disabled spot "you don't look sick". She whipped off her wig and said " do you want my cancer now fuck off" She was horrified at her lack of control, at swearing in the street. I love and miss her. All the loves x

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Losa
17/8/2016 08:26:29 pm

Hi Louise

All I can say is I'm sorry, sorry that you had to see this and sorry that your friend had to go through this. I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst of enemies.

Lots of love to you
❤️??
Lisa

Reply
Sue
29/7/2016 08:19:33 am

Love your blogs as always. Yes I wish so many wouldn't treat their bodies as garbage bins and life as a game, if only they knew what it was like to forget being healthy. I miss having stamina, I miss having no red blotchy marks on my skin from chemo, I miss being able to walk through the bush for hours with my husband, I miss being able to enjoy spicy foods and red wine because my taste is gone but I am alive, and a Rockstar, and have hope and we are positive. Not a journey I would have chosen to take but I now know how many people love me and care about me and that is such a precious gift.

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Lisa
17/8/2016 08:30:20 pm

Dearest Sue

I'm sorry for the delay in response, I send you all my love and I wish for you an abundance of pain and nausea free days. You are right you're a rockstar and never forget that, Red wine's overrated anyway.

Sending you all the love and healing thoughts in the world.

❤️??
Lisa

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Not Another Supermum link
31/7/2016 10:13:16 pm

You are amazing.

I cry, smile, laugh, and weep every time I read your work.

You are amazing

Reply
Lisq
17/8/2016 08:33:19 pm

Right back at you, you beautiful human being.

I am so sorry for the delay in response.

Lots of love
❤️??
Lisa

Reply
Natasha
1/8/2016 12:56:48 pm

Sweetheart , today I feel heavy reading your blogs-1st one about some fuck ass fool who wrote that you wanted to be semi famous!! Followed by your scarring... I have been so stressed out over what may be a wonderful career opportunity and BOOM REALITY CHECK!! I just wish it wasn't your reality. You put life in perspective so quick for me,my heart fills up for you& you are an inspiration to all!!! You ROCK Lisa 😘😘🙌🏼🙌🏼sending you loads of love💞💞💞💞

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    My name is Lisa Magill and I have been navigating the minefield that is cancer since just months after turning 30, people have been saying to me for years that I should put my thoughts into writing and as time has progressed I thought I had left it too late, well here we are nearly 4 years in and for some unknown reason I've decided to start to write today.

    What do I want you to gain from reading my blog?  Well I'm not going to say enlightenment and I 'm not going to get you to radically change your diet and start chanting at a full moon, to be quite honest this blog is more about me writing it, than you reading it and if someone happens to google cancer and inadvertently clicks on my link, well that's just a pleasant bonus.

    I plan on talking and posting about the good, the bad and the ugly side of all things cancer, fashion, food, family, what you blogosphere type would probably call a "lifestyle" blog.

    Well here goes..........

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