Does it matter if you're scarred for life if you're dying?

My answer is, a resounding yes. Initially when I was operated on, I wasn't phased by my abdominal scarring, it was only one neat straight line from my belly button to the side and 4 small keyhole scars, but with each surgery that followed the more complex the scarring became, OK, when I say complex, I do mean the more ugly, more obvious, less joaquin phoenix obvious scarring, more Seal the kiss from a rose singer scarring, yes I know he is a fabulous singer with a voice as smooth as silk and he scored a super model for a wife , but the poor guy has got obvious facial scarring and at the end of the day like myself the scarring was completely out of his control. Unlike other idiots that think they're indestructible and their lives are simply games, not real life, you know the ones, the ones who actually believe that life is like a Tom and Jerry cartoon; yeah that's right I am talking about the entire cast of Jackass and Johnny Knoxville, the fact that you have to self catheter twice a day is just a little sweet justice for me, but mate considering the stunts you've pulled over the years, you got off lightly.

Life is so fragile, but some people have the ability to keep treating their bodies like a garbage bin, by continually putting pretend food like McDonalds in their body and have perfect cholesterol, they smoke a pack a day and have lungs like a cheetah (they have a really high lung capacity because of the speed they run), the ones who still have a sunbed in their attic and have never had a questionable mole, the ones who base jump, parkour, bull ride, bull run, Volcano board (yes this is a real thing https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volcano_surfing); the list of idiotic life threatening activities that one can risk their lives doing is endless and meanwhile, there is a sterile room full of people somewhere, sitting in recliners, hooked up to IV's having poisonous chemicals pumped into their veins in order to give themselves an extra chance at survival, yes cancer patients craving normality again, craving a future without chemo and with hair, craving a life without fear and there you go again voluntarily sniffing addictive poisonous ice, am I crazy or is there some sort of disconnect between what I believe the value of life is and what the people who do the forenamed activities believe the value of life is.

My scarring used to be a battle wound, something I would show off proudly when I thought I was cured, then I had 3 more surgeries and the fact that I'm no longer curable, the scars have become more of a constant reminder that I am dying rather than a sign of strength. Every time I take my clothes off in the bathroom, there they are in the mirror, when I lift my top up to let the nurse access my pain med access point, there it is, when I go for a swim, there it is, I see it every day and every day it whispers loudly in my head, oh yeah don't forget you're dying.

Scars are not something to be ashamed of, you might think from what I have said above that they are something to be hidden and not embraced, but that couldn't be farther from my opinion, it's simply that I am having one of those days that I hate everything about my body and because I have a blog, I blog about it. So please don't take this as a hide your scars blog, I say be proud of your scars, it's just that today I am bloated, sore and the more bloated I am the more prominent my scarring, tomorrow I will embrace my scarring again, but the one thing that will never change is the fact that they are unfortunately that daily reminder that you're dying or I could choose to look at them as my daily reminder that I am fighting, maybe that's how I should start to look at it, fighting scars.

Stay fabulous rockstars ❤️🤘🏼

Leg scarring from injections

Stomach scarring

sorry about this one, but it's a burn in the skin from one of my needles
​I take daily

A recent mark left behind from one of my pain meds