So I met this lovely woman just over a month ago called Hayley and she asked to interview me for a local magazine. I of course was all excited and felt all special that I was doing my first legitimate, meet in a coffee shop, be asked questions, maybe get a photo, proper interview.
Hayley arrived and we began to chat back and forth and all the while I was thinking "is she ever going to ask me a question? This isn't going how I pictured it, it's more like a chat than an interview". As we exchanged stories and I talked all things terminal cancer, Hayley dropped a bomb, that she too may have cancer and would be finding out after a biopsy in the following days exactly what she was dealing with. Excuse me while I choke on my English Breakfast Tea, black with two raw sugars, what the actual fuck? You reach out to me to do an interview on cancer and then find out you have some sort of breast cancer, cue my anthem Alanis Morissette's Ironic, because this shit doesn't happen in real life, sort of like a real life meet cute, only we're not going to become lovers, we're going to become kind of cancer buddies.
Hayley went in for a biopsy a few days later, fast forward to today and she is one boob short, bald and I've just returned home from visiting her whilst she was getting her second cycle of chemo, celebrating her 29th birthday with a home made cake that her Mum lovingly made for her, her chemo nurses and her chemo buddy for the day her sister Lauren.
For any of you out there that have had chemo before you'll understand exactly what I am about to say. The car trip into the hospital to visit her, I started to feel terribly nauseated at the thought of going into that room again with pale, bald, sickly looking people with the stench of chemo floating through the air. You're probably thinking this sounds terribly selfish of me
thinking of myself while she's going through this horrible ordeal, but people who have had chemo, remembering I've had numerous different types, often get "Chemo Anxiety", they get it when they see needles, have to be cannulated or give blood, I've even been told of a woman projectile vomiting in the street when she came face to face with her oncologist from 20 years prior. I used to get it every time I had to return to my oncology ward to be scanned every 3 months, I haven't had it since, so I was surprised when I started to get those horrible chemo nausea like symptoms in the car.
As I sat next to Hayley and Lauren as Hayley was being cannulated and that vile poison started to pulse through her veins, I had to push down the vomit in my throat, I was back in the chair on my first day of chemo, when I had no idea what lay ahead of me and thought in the first few hours, this shits easy, what does everyone complain about? I got this, Chemo's my bitch! Six hours later, with my head in a sick bag, feeling like I'd just been hit by a bus, I realised I was Chemo's bitch.
I left Hayley this afternoon and all that's been going through my head since are thoughts like the horrible pain and headaches I got when I started to lose my hair, YES IT HURTS!!!!! I couldn't lay my head on a pillow because my head was so sensitive, I could feel the weight of every strand of hair, it felt like I had weights tied into my hair, pulling and dragging on my scalp. I shaved it within days of that feeling, I couldn't deal with it on top of the horrendous sickness, tiredness and feeling of death that hung over me.
As soon as I got home I had to get Mum to inject me with a sickness Med and as I sit here and type, I am feeling as sick as a dog again, so whilst I bitch and moan about the way I feel at the thought of chemo, lets spare a thought for Hayley and the thousands of other men and women who at this exact moment have their heads in the toilet and know that in a couple of weeks they have to face up to it again. I salute you!
Stay fabulous rockstars ❤️🤘🏼
Ps. Hayley did in actual fact interview me, it was also published and Hayley also has a blog, hit it up when you get the chance, I'm sure you won't regret it!
Here's the link ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
My name is Lisa Magill and I have been navigating the minefield that is cancer since just months after turning 30, people have been saying to me for years that I should put my thoughts into writing and as time has progressed I thought I had left it too late, well here we are nearly 4 years in and for some unknown reason I've decided to start to write today.