A short blog for a short update ❤🤘🏼
Last night I was faced with a dilemma, you see I've been placed back in hospital, back to the ward that insists they're there to make you feel comfortable and to try to reduce symptoms and pain. They are not always there to prepare you for the scariest time in a person's life....."death" and I don't give a shit if you say this is not scary, it's simply part of the process of life, we all live knowing eventually we will die, well yeah, we all live knowing at some point we're probably going to need root canal therapy, but I've never seen anyone skip into a dental surgery, alright maybe a masochist, but believe me this shit is hard.
Too sick to cry, to weak to move, constant vomiting of bile, too weak to get myself out of bed-down the stairs- too weak to get in the car, too many tumours to pee and the list goes on. My Pall nurse made me come in, she inserted the urinary catheter, always a pleasant experience, you'll never complain about a Pap smear or a swift kick in the knackers again once you've had the pleasure of a urinary catheter being inserted when you haven't peed in 20 hours, let's just say it definitely doesn't compare to a west coast party.
Yesterday I looked, but more importantly felt that I was on death's door. I've been at so-called "deaths door" so many times that they know it's me by my knock, but I've never actually felt that my body was giving in, I never believed it was "my time". Last night came and it was time for people to say goodbye and with more than generous bear hugs from each of my family members came that so called dilemma, "I'll see you tomorrow", my reply "yep, I'll see you tomorrow", my actual thought, 'Will I really see you tomorrow?'
Something we say everyday without a second thought, because hey, tomorrow is taken for granted, there's always tomorrow....isn't there? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but sadly tomorrow is not a promise, it's a gift and that's only if you're lucky enough to receive it.
It's a frigging horrible feeling to say goodbye to someone you love and not know of you'll ever see them again, those related to armed forces, those related to police officers, security guards and so on, I salute you and I only wish for you Fabulous Rockstars you never have to be placed in a situation like this, because it's truly one of the most heartbreaking places you can be put in and nobody deserves that. Make sure your hugs are genuine and so too is your love. Stay Fabulous Rockstars ❤🤘🏼
My name is Lisa Magill and I have been navigating the minefield that is cancer since just months after turning 30, people have been saying to me for years that I should put my thoughts into writing and as time has progressed I thought I had left it too late, well here we are nearly 4 years in and for some unknown reason I've decided to start to write today.